


Eda

by Centum



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: M/M, SWTOR, theron shan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-19 11:11:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7358845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Centum/pseuds/Centum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When I wrote "Pillow talk", Theron spilled the beans about Marnh wanting to have children, much to my surprise. And so was Eda born. There was nothing I could do about it. </p><p>I've been (painfully) slowly rewriting and editing Eda. I never finished it, though I know how it would end. I hope we will see the last chapter too one day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eda is three months old

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to know how Marnh and Theron ended up tending a restaurant in Alderaan, read "No darkness, no light".

I'm filling the dishwasher for a last time. I shooed the last customer out an hour ago, and I'm tired. It was a busy day, and lots of drunkards. Theron had to throw one out, and the man came back with his friends. At that point I had to gather all the Sith-authority I have left, grab the wooden staff I keep "just in case" behind the bar, and tell them I can still smash their faces with it without problems. I'm still a professional with my staff, Force-sensitive or not. I haven't announced that I can't actually do anything extraordinary anymore, but just the general knowledge of me being an ex-Dark Lord is enough. After some scowling and threatening to bake my face, they left. So much for that baking.

Days like these...sometimes they happen, but mostly our restaurant is a nice, friendly place for people who just want to eat and have a few drinks. We have a regular customer base, families with children are welcome too, and the word goes around so much that in holiday-season we have more customers than room for them. We are doing well.

I have to sigh from pain when I straighten my back. I have scars. I have old injuries. After Khem Val almost killed me and I lost my connection to the Force, they started bothering me. I didn't know how much the Force was healing me until I was in the situation where I just have to live with every pain and scar. The scar on my abdomen is especially nasty. Vibroblades tend to make large holes.

When I take away my shirt and look myself in the mirror I sometimes startle. The amount of scarring...stab holes, blaster burns, teeth marks, claw marks...I wonder how Theron can find me so attractive. But he does. Just as much as he did when we first met. For him, they are all "part of his husband" and he loves them.

I'm forty-five and sometimes I feel like I'm a hundred years old. I'm just waiting for the arthritis to begin to gnaw away my fragile joints.

I hear a loud bang of the door and the love of my life marches into the kitchen, big smile on his face.

He has some grey in his hair now, but others he is the same man I met fifteen years ago. Theron is a bit older than me, so he is now almost fifty. He has his scars too, the most visible is one in his head. He used to have a high-tech implant there. Now it is gone. I sometimes wonder how it must have felt for him to lose it. With his implant he could hear the comm-channels, see the virtual world, connect to it and ride on the data streams...On the other hand, I used to bind spirits. We all have our quirks, I guess.

"Hey love, I have something for you!" He says and slaps my butt.

Could it be...is it finally happening? Will I be a father?

"This is about the child, isn't it?" I ask him, excitement pinching my stomach.

"Yes! There is an orphanage in Coruscant that has a good reputation, and I called them. They have a three month old human-girl, just waiting someone to take her. You want to go check?"

"You bet I will! Start packing, I call to Martan and tell him we are away for a few days, he will take care of this place like it would be his own. Theron, I'm so..." I have to bury my face into his shoulder. I try to thank him but my throat is tight from tears and I can't get the words out.

“There there, love, I got you. You will have your baby, I promise...” Theron mumbles to my ear, holding me tight.

He knows me so well.

I've been thinking if I ask too much from him. He is older than me, and neither of us is young. I know having a child is more my dream than his, but...is it so bad from me to be a little selfish, just this once?

 

* * *

 

The orphanage is a gigantic building in Coruscant. How many children are there without parents in this world? How many never find their way to an orphanage, and instead end up being slaves or dead? Or they end up being pickpockets in some rugged gang, and if they survive long enough, they can be cannon-fodder for some bigger gang.

"Excuse me, we had an appointment with..." I look at my pad..."Ms. The'dar. This is about adoption."

"Yes, yes, she is at her office, come this way," a tired-looking woman escorts us through a giant hall. No wonder they are tired if they have to run in these corridors and halls all day long. This place is as big as the Senate, and that is something.

Ms. The'dar is an older Twi'lek with an aura of discipline and order around her. "You must be the Shans, do come in!" She says while standing up and shaking our hands.

We sit down, and I have to grab Theron's hand because this woman makes me nervous. What if she doesn't want to give us the baby because we are two men? In this time and world, it is not something unheard of, but let's face it, we are not an ordinary family by any means: Ex-SIS-agent and ex-Dark Lord are sitting here with begging eyes, asking to get someone's baby to be their own.

"Hm...I see...hm..." Woman is reading our application. Then she studies us with sharp eyes. I want to squirm, but better not, she might think I'm a nervous wreck.

"So, let me tell you first something about this baby. A human-female, age is estimated three months. We don't know for sure. Someone left her at the door. It happens. Sometimes there is a note which tells the baby's birthday, but this baby wasn't so lucky." Ms. The'dar smiles a sad smile, then continues:

"We have some rules we follow with adoption. We think species do matter to some extent. Children do imprint to their parents. We wouldn't give a human-child to a Cathar, for example. You-" she nods at me "-being a Zabrak doesn't matter. Zabraks are very close to humans when it comes to family, growing up and general development of the children. So there is no problem. We don't put high demands on adoptive families, we just hope our children find a good home. We do have to be careful for slavers, so we do check the backgrounds, but you clearly are not slavers. I believe you can take care of the child and provide it with everything. But..."

Oh no, here comes the "but". I prepare for the worst. She will say they will not give children to people with our past. Or homosexuals. Or someone who used to be a Sith. Or...I run out of worst-case scenarios.

"...But the baby is not well. So, you have to decide by yourselves if you can take her after you have seen her," Ms. The'dar sighs.

"What is the matter with the baby? Is it sick?" Theron asks, and I can feel he is wary. His fingers leave my hand. I try not to notice it. No need to get paranoid. He will love the baby, I'm sure of it.

"No, not sick, but she refuses to eat. We have to keep her on a drip and feed her with a nasogastric tube, which is of course very inconvenient. You have to see her for yourselves and decide if you can take care of her. She will need special care if her situation doesn't change."

Ms. The'dar rises up and we follow her to the corridor. We walk after her in endless corridors and I tell her I never thought there is so much orphans in Coruscant, not to mention an orphanage size of the Senate or two.

"Yes, it is horrible. We get children not only from Coruscant, but from other worlds too. And this is not only orphanage in Coruscant, there are three more, all equal in size."

Theron whistles.

"What is this, a dumping place of children or what? I mean...why there are so many abandoned children in the first place?" He has to ask.

"Wars. Right this moment there are nearly hundred wars going on, not to mention the smaller skirmishes. Most of these children are orphans because their parents were killed in war, and their relatives are lost or dead too. Some children end up here because they are simply abandoned, but most just don't have family left. We keep them here until they get adopted, and if that doesn't happen, there are very good child care institutions here in Coruscant. They are taken care of."

We arrive in a large room filled with small beds, several nurses feeding and cleaning babies.

"This room is for very small humanoid-babies, we keep them here until they are half a year old. If they are still in this institute then, we will give them a name and move them to a different department."

"So...the baby-girl doesn't have a name yet?" I have to ask.

"No. Different species have different needs, but humanoids seem to be quite similar all. They need to have a name at half a year. It has something to do with developing an identity. Here! This is your baby if you can take her."

In a corner of a small bed is a lump. The baby is so small it is disappearing even to this small bed. I can see a drip going inside the blankets, but not much else.

"Can I take her in my arms?" I ask, and my hands are already reaching for her. Ms. The'dar smiles and nods.

Carefully, I move the blankets to see her. I see a tiniest face...the baby is sleeping. I put my hands around her small body and I hold my breath when I lift her up. She weights nothing. I have to be careful with the drip too, and I swear the drip bag is bigger than the baby I'm holding. She is so thin! All the babies I have always admired in Alderaan have been plump. This one...not so much. She is like a small hatchling, all skin and bones.

"As you can see, she doesn't eat. It is not nice to force a tube in her and pump the milk in, and keep her in a drip, but we have to. We think she would rather die than eat."

I have to kiss the baby on the forehead. Why don't you eat? What is wrong with you? I begin to hum a soft tune my mother used to hum to me when I was a child, and she sat next to my bed...when I still had my parents.

Baby opens her blue eyes, looks at me and begins to scream. Her miniature-face turns red and her whole body is stiff. For a moment I startle, and Theron takes a step back, but then...I just know what I have to do. I can't explain why, but I know that the minute I lifted her in my arms, I fell in love with her, and that love is fierce. I would kill for her. I connected to this little being, and she told me she was hungry and scared. I love her so much my heart aches. This child is mine. It doesn't matter that I didn't give birth to her. This is the baby I've always wanted to have.

"Give me a bottle, quickly," I say to Ms. The'dar with my best Sith-voice, and without asking any questions she yells for a nurse to fetch us a bottle. Baby screams and I can feel how hungry she is, how much it hurts her little tummy.

Soon the warm bottle is in my hand and I put it in the baby's mouth. I have never fed a baby in my life. I have never taken care of any kind of children. Yet, I don't hesitate.

And baby eats. She drinks, she hiccups, and milk splatters when she slurps it in panic.

"I can't believe my eyes. She's eating!" The nurse behind us says in awe.

I hear a Theron's voice behind me:

"I think that settles it. Congratulations, you are a father. No, we are fathers. No, parents. What are we? We need to give her a name, right?"

"She is Eda," I say, watching how the small baby-girl drinks her milk now with less panic. Maybe she knows now that she will survive, and she will be taken care of.

"Eda? That is a nice name. I think I like it. Alright, she is Eda. Is it an Iridonian name?" Theron asks, placing his hands on my shoulders. I lift my face up so he can kiss me, and he does.

"Yes, it means "Little Bird". She is like a hatchling," I smile at him. Happiness is flooding all over me. I have a child! I can't believe this!

Eda drinks the whole bottle, burps and fall in sleep. I put her back to her bed.

"So, what's next?" I ask from Ms. The'dar.

"We sign the adoption, and I give you some instructions. We can do it in the nurse's office, no need to walk all the way to mine. And I must say I'm very pleased of how this went, the nurse can take her out from the drip and we pack some things for her. Normally you should have to wait for few days, but I don't take the risk of her not eating again. It is better you take her with you right now. We give her last vaccinations and the doctor takes a last look at her, and then she is yours. You have to buy a safety seat, there is a shop not far from here."

We go to the nurse's office and my head is spinning already. But more is coming.

"Sign here, and here and here. Do you have holopads with you? Great! Let me see...I upload some apps for you. This app tells you about feeding the human babies. This one is about the development of human children. These are instructions for general health care. This app tells you how to take care of her in general, sleeping, cleaning et cetera. Here are the coordinates to the shop I mentioned. Here is a list of things you need to buy. Maybe...human Mr. Shan can go and get the safety seat now. Zabrak Mr. Shan should be here when doctor comes, just in case. Congratulations, you are now parents!"

Theron looks exhausted, I suspect I look much the same. He runs to the baby shop to get the safety seat, bottles, milk and nappies, the rest of the things we can get when we get back to Alderaan. I meet the doctor and he observes me feeding Eda. She eats again like milk would run out from this world in any minute.

"This is interesting, very interesting. We couldn't get that baby to eat, no matter what we tried. Maybe she was waiting for you," the doctor laughs. Nurse observes me changing her nappy and clothes, and I succeed somehow. She is so small the nappies go all the way to her armpits, and it would be hilarious if it wouldn't be so pitiful. I put the shirt upside-down, but the nurse only chuckles an fixes it for me. And so we are ready.

Theron arrives, Eda ends up being a small hatchling in her brand-new safety seat and we leave for space port. Soon we will be at home with our child.

Eda sleeps and eats the whole way to Alderaan. Other passengers come to look at her in awe because she is so small. When she doesn't eat or sleep, she cries.

I notice Theron is somewhat overwhelmed. So am I, but in a good way. Theron just seems to be...less interested in Eda than I am, but I'm sure he is just in shock and it will get better. Eda needs me here and now, and I can't worry about Theron.

 

 


	2. Eda is half a year old

 

I want my marriage back. Right about now.

Why did I ever think it was a good idea to let Marnh have that child? Of course I should've known he will love it tons more than me. He will pamper it, fuss all over it, be proud of it, run for it when it makes a little noise. But no, I didn't see it coming. Yet here we are, I'm in a marriage that isn't a marriage anymore as my husband doesn't seem to notice even my existence.

Until Eda needs something.

"Theron, go get them nappies, will you?"

"Theron, Eda needs to be changed, go and get me those nappies!"

"Theron, NAPPIES!"

"THERON ARE YOU DEAF?"

This...on and on and on. Theron bring me this, get me that, go there, do this, do that. And don't ask anything for yourself because ain't nobody got time for that!

Marnh hasn't touched me in three months. When I try to initiate some sexy times, and God knows we used to have them almost every day for over 10 years, he tells me he is too tired. He finally got Eda to sleep and he needs to get at least a four hours sleep too before Eda wakes up again, screaming from hunger or whatever. How can it be hungry again, it just ate four hours ago? I can be without food for a day if I have to, and that kid has a bottle in her mouth non-stop.

Three months without sex with Marnh. Can you believe what that child has done to my marriage? And if it would be only about sex. I didn't marry him for sex, I married him because I love him. But he has fallen in love with Eda and I'm air. No kissing, no cuddling, no talking, no closeness, only one absent-minded husband fussing over a child that is definitely spoiled already. No kid can need THAT much attention.

I try not to show him my frustration. I love him, remember? I wanted to give him everything he needs. I always thought it was my job as his husband. I just never thought it could mean trading my happiness away, and I'm as unhappy as it gets!

I have always said it is useless to whine if you don't even try to make things better. There has to be a way for me to get my husband back. To get my life to be as happy as it used to be before this...distraction. Eda is here to stay, but it doesn't mean I should live without my husband, now does it?

After spending some time studying my options I come up with a perfect solution. We need a nanny! I had one, I had several, and did it hurt me? No!

I ask around in the restaurant from people I know having small children, and I find out there are actually agencies who send you good, trained nannies. I have to whistle when I hear how much a nanny can cost, but I decide we need one so much we just have to suck it up. We are not rich, but we are not in the gutter either. The restaurant stands on its own, we don't owe anyone, we can afford to pay the extra chef we had to get because Marnh doesn't work. Nanny allows Marnh to come back to work, and we can make the chef work only half time. In fact, the nanny will pay herself back! I have to smile when I realise what a perfect solution this is.

One of our customers gives me a number to the agency they use, and I call them right away. I explain the situation and they promise me to send a nanny next morning. She will work for 8 hours. If we need more, that can be arranged too. We can even get a nanny who will live with us if we have enough credits. We don't have that much, but boy, do I wish I had. Someone taking care of Eda 24/7 and Marnh all mine again? Imagine that! But 8 hours a day is better than nothing, and so the deal is made and I can't wait for the next morning.

 

* * *

  

"Excuse me, who are you?" I hear Marnh's voice from the door. Damn, I intended to be there to take her in, but obviously I was too late.

"You must be Mr. Shan, yes? Is your wife here? I would like to see the child and then we can discuss about the schedule and how to arrange a child's day." Nanny is a thin Rodian in a nurse-like uniform.

"Yes, I'm Mr. Shan, there are two of us in fact. Two misters, no wife. What are you doing here?" Marnh begins to look annoyed. I have to step in to save the situation.

"Love, this is our new nanny! She will take care of Eda for 8 hours a day, starting today. You can work again and have a life! You don't have to spend every minute of the day with Eda anymore! I know you need some..."

Marnh turns around and looks me with a face that makes me to be relieved he has lost his powers. I realise this would be the one time he would throw me to the wall and pour lightnings at me. He is...scary. I begin to sweat.

"Out of this house, now!" Marnh turns to the Rodian, pushes her out from the door and locks it. Then he walks slowly to me, and I can see his fists are clenched. Eyes that look at me from my husbands face burn like yellow ice. I think...I have made a mistake. A big mistake.

"Look, Marnh, I thought only about your best, and Eda's too...you are so tired all the time..."

Marnh stops before me and I can _feel_ despise oozing from him. His voice is deceivingly calm when he begins:

"Since when have we made decisions without discussing them with each other, if I may ask? Since WHEN have you decided you can walk all over me and decide what I do with my days? Since when have you grown to be so arrogant you even THOUGHT you could invite a stranger here to take care of OUR child, without asking me what I think about it? And because that stranger probably would have cost a good amount of credits, since WHEN have you started to make economic decisions without discussing with me too? When did you decide it is a good idea to turn into a total dick and you even imagined I will let you do it? Get out of here. Go to the restaurant and stay there. Don't come back before me and Eda are sleeping, because seeing your face makes me sick!"

And then he walks upstairs. Eda is crying again.

I'm beaten to the ground without a single physical hit. We have never argued before. In all this time we have known each other and been together, not a single serious fight. We could always talk about everything, and we had a will to understand each other. Neither of us had a need to boss the other around and we respected each other's independence. It was not about avoiding the arguments, it was about not having any need to argue in the first place.

What have I done?

I stay at the restaurant for the early hours. The staff has gone home, I have cleaned all I can clean and made sure everything is ready for the next morning. There is nothing to do anymore, no excuse to linger, unless I decide to sleep here, but I'm afraid the next step would be a divorce. Marnh might take it as a protest, and I don't want to make things even worse. I think...I have messed them big time already.

Slowly I walk across the garden to our small house. I hesitate when I open the door and step in without making a sound. House around me is silent and dark. I sneak through the corridor to the stairs and then upstairs to see if Marnh is sleeping. If he still wants to kill me, it's best to get it over. I rather let him murder me than divorce me.

I open the bedroom's door. Moon is shining in so I don't have to turn on the lights. Marnh is in deep sleep, and Eda is sleeping next to him on my side of the bed. I tiptoe to them and Eda opens her eyes. Her face begins to go all wrinkly and I can see she will howl like a siren in any second. Quickly I pick her up.

"Hey Eda, come to Daddy..." I whisper to her. I tiptoe as fast as I can out from the door and down the stairs, hoping Eda doesn't begin to cry. She must be reading my mind and instead of howling she concentrates on sucking her fist.

"Are you hungry? Let's see if Daddy can find you some milk, I'm sure Dada has all them bottles here in a row, now hasn't he?" I keep whispering to a restless baby in my arms.

I open the door of the fridge and there is a bottle ready, I just have to warm it up.

"See? I knew your Dada has it all under control, he is such a smart man, now isn't he? You think so too?"

"Gooooooo..."Eda says and tries to lick my neck now. I start rubbing her back, and my other hand gently pats her butt while we wait for the bottle. Is it some automated reaction in human beings? Information: You have a baby in your arms = rub its back and pat its butt. Repeat infinitely.

"Do you need a nappy too? Let's see, where Dada keeps them... here! Look, soon you are dry and have a belly full of milk and no worry in this world...let's see, we take this away, whoops, there it went! And now a new one, there...is this pretty pink pyjamas the one you got from Granny Satele? I think it is!" I change the nappy and Eda is kicking and smiling because she likes to be without a nappy. Her belly is so cute and plump I have to tickle it and she is laughing out loud.

"I believe Miss Shan is now changed and ready to get her meal, do you think so too, dear? You do? Let's go get your bottle then..."

We sit down in an armchair and Eda gets her bottle. She closes her eyes and begins to eat, long, happy drinks. Her cheeks are chubby now, there is no sign of the starved baby that moved in here three months ago. She has grown so much. I haven't really noticed it. I haven't really even paid attention to Eda during these months. I've been too stressed out about the fact that there is a baby in our house and it has stolen my husband from me.

Suddenly Eda looks at me and smiles. Her blue eyes twinkle in the light coming from the small table lamp, and I can see she has two teeth. Two perfect, white teeth. Her tongue plays with the nipple of the bottle, and her smile gets just wider. When I smile back to her and tickle her cheek with my finger, she concentrates on eating again. She wanted to have my attention, and she got it.

She is a perfect little baby. A beautiful little girl. She begins to get sleepy, belly full of warm milk. My hand holding the bottle begins to tremble. My eyes burn from tears I don't want to let out. I have held them back for almost 50 years, and it has served me well. Then Eda moved to live with us, and I was abandoned again.

Everyone I love abandons me.

And then I can't stop it. The pain is flooding all over me like a red ocean, and I can't hold the sobbing. Eda looks at me with sleepy eyes, pushes the bottle away with her tongue and then falls asleep.

She is so warm in my arms, so tiny. Her breathing is heavy and steady, and she dreams, whatever babies dream. Dreams of kisses and warm milk and porridge and safe arms carrying her around and showing her all the wonders of this world. Her life is full of first times and miracles.

My tears fall down like a waterfall and I just can't stop them. How can I be jealous to this little bird who only has us taking care of her. She is dependant on us. Marnh understands it, but I...I don't know what happened to me when Eda came. I thought...if Marnh would have more time and strength to be with me, take care of me like he has always done in his own, quiet way, the pain would go away. I feel so lonely without him. He is all I have. He is the one thing I got right in my life.

I cry for the little boy who didn't have parents. Who was raised by a Jedi, to be a Jedi. Only to realise that he can never be that. I cry for the boy who believed he was faulty, and that's why his mother left him. I cry for the boy who thought his mother had seen right away that he lacks the one thing that matters, ability to sense the Force, and so she had no need for him. I know it is not true, but there was a time when I believed she left me because I was nothing. I cry for the little boy who was lonely, sad and scared. The Jedi taking care of him did his best, so did the nannies, but he always believed they were there from obligation, not from love. I believed no one could love me, and I learned to make the best out of my life alone, always alone.

And then I found Marnh. He was even more broken than I, and I could think I'm the one who has it all under control. I was the one with his shit together. But I never was. Just like him, I had just hid my broken heart, my loneliness. He got himself sorted out, me – not so much.

I don't know how long I sit there and cry and dwell in pain. I just let every bad feeling come as it is, not pushing them away anymore. After some time I begin to feel...not empty, but calm. In a good way. I look at Eda, sleeping there in my arms...and suddenly I love her so much. Love for her is filling my whole being. I'm a father! Who would have believed? I certainly didn't, but there she is, and she is my little girl.

I bend down to kiss Eda's fine hair. I inhale her baby scent, and babies do smell so good. Eda is in deep sleep. I should take her back to Marnh, but I'm exhausted. Now I understand: Marnh doesn't love me any less than before, he just loves Eda too. I'm a grown up man. I took the job to be a husband for Marnh, and now I have a new job: To be a parent for Eda.

"I love you Eda, and I will always be your Daddy," I whisper to her.

I better put her down so I don't drop her if I fall in sleep too.

 

* * *

 

Marnh wakes up and notices that Eda hadn't woken him up to give her a bottle, and sun is shining in. He looks next to him and sees that Eda isn't there. For a moment he panics, but realises then that Theron must have taken her.

He goes downstairs and yes, there they are. Theron is sleeping in the armchair, Eda is on the blanket on the floor. Eda's eyes are open, and she smiles with all two teeth to Marnh when he picks her up, trying not to wake Theron up while doing it.

"Have you been here with Daddy all night? Well, how did that happen? Did Daddy give you milk? Yes, he did, there is a bottle on the floor. Did you have a good chat?"

They go to the kitchen to make porridge.

When Theron wakes up, he hears Eda and Marnh talking in the kitchen. Eda has lots to say with fluent baby-language and Marnh pretend he understands. Theron sighs. He has to sort this mess out, and it is not easy because he is ashamed of himself. But how should he go about it? By doing what he has always done with Marnh: Just be Theron Shan and follow your feelings.

He walks to the kitchen. Marnh turns around to see him.

"Hey, thank you for letting me sleep! It made wonders. I haven't slept that well for three months."

Theron goes to him and hugs him so tight it takes Marnh's breath away.

"I'm so sorry...can you forgive me? I was jealous, and I know it is childish. I just...I didn't know how many issues I have with abandonment. I think being a father triggered them and I just...I just wanted you back. I will never do something like that again."

Marnh fondles Theron's hair and kisses him gently.

"I know I've been ignoring you, but babies are demanding. It doesn't last forever, you know? I can't be everywhere and everything for everyone. You haven't been interested in taking care of Eda. I've been quite lonely in this too. I need you, more than ever. I don't need a nanny, I need you," Marnh says, and Theron can hear the hurt in his voice. He holds him tight, kisses him and says:

"I've been so blind and full of myself, I'm so sorry. It's me who has been ignoring you both."

Theron goes and picks up Eda from the floor. Eda giggles and gurgles and pulls Theron's hair. They all sit around the kitchen table. Eda's porridge is ready to be eaten and Theron takes a spoon. He shovels the porridge in Eda's mouth and Eda eats like food would go out of fashion tomorrow. Marnh drinks coffee and smiles at them.

"You know...I'll be with Eda this week, and you can do whatever you want. It would be good if you could check the restaurant too, but it's alright if you don't want to. I'm sure you want to sleep and get some exercise, I know how much you like it. I'll take care of Eda," Theron decides.

Marnh thinks for a moment and then says:

"What if we begin to take turns? You are with Eda during days this week, and next week it will be my turn. That way we both can work and be with her. When she is older we can take her to the restaurant for a moment too. We are not needed there all the time, and if we must, we can hire one more person. We don't spend much and the new chef is a genius, I'm sure we will get more customers now. We could take turns at nights too, and soon she should be sleeping through the nights anyway. And getting some time to be with each other...I'm sure we can figure out something on that department too."

"I have always said my husband is not only beautiful, he is smart too!" Theron tells to Eda and nods in approval of his own words. Eda takes the spoon from his hand and drops it to the floor, watching in awe how it falls down.

 

 


	3. Eda is one year old

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter is little all over the place, but I'm a selfish writer who writes mainly for himself. I wanted to meet Satele.)

Eda looks very determined when she grabs Theron's leg and begins to pull herself up. When she finally stands on her two feet, she smiles at Theron a triumphant smile.

"Dadi dadi dadi..." She keeps saying and stepping in one place, practising an acrobatic choreography called "learning how to walk".

"Eda...Daddy has to pay these bills. We can't leave them to Martan, he has his hands full when we are at Grannies in Tython," Theron sighs. Eda lets go of his leg and stands with two insecure feet, raising her hands. Theron's heart melts and he lifts her up to sit on his lap.

"Alright, come here. Maybe you can eat some raisins while Daddy finishes these. Where is Dada?"

Eda looks at the stairs.

"He is upstairs? I think he is packing our things. We better not disturb him. You know, your Dada is a Zabrak and they are fierce when they are disturbed in the middle of something. I'm a human and I can take anything. So can you. But Dada? Not so much. Don't tell him I said this, this is our little secret, ok?" Theron tickles Eda's belly and then hands her a fistful of raisins. In his mind, he thanks the person who somewhere in ancient times invented raisins. Eda is in one place, at least for the time they last.

"And back to paying bills..." Theron sighs again.

Upstairs Marnh is loosing his mind. He has to pack for two men and a toddler, and he hates it. And how is the weather in Tython anyway? Do they need a stroller or do they have a spare in there? Do they have anything there for a child or must he really bring everything with them from Alderaan?

"I used to have a STARSHIP!" He finally yells and runs downstairs.

"Do we need a stroller? Bed? What do they have there? Why don't I have my crew anymore?"

"Because you chose to live with me. Call to Satele and ask," Theron shrugs, eyes checking and double-checking the numbers on the screen. Eda munches raisins.

"She hates me."

"No, she doesn't. She loves you because you gave her Eda, almost by yourself. Call her."

If Granny Satele loves something, it is Eda. She didn't allow herself to be a mother for her son, but now she is retired and has no limits. Maybe it is true what they say about old people, they do get sentimental, and Satele is over 80 years old. She invited them to come to visit her to Tython for two weeks. Marnh is nervous. Last time he was in Tython it was for a very different reason, mainly to pillage the place. He is thankful for Satele for all the help she gave him when he deflected, but they have never been in good terms. Marnh noticed soon it is useless to try to get Satele to warm up to him and accepted the situation. But then came Eda...and Satele worships her. So now they are going to visit Granny.

Marnh surrenders and calls to Satele. Weather around Jedi Temple is discussed, difficult negotiations about the needs of the toddlers are held, and Marnh finds out all he has to pack for Eda are her clothes and favourite playthings. When Tython was rebuilt, they added a large guest house for visitors and there they are prepared to take care of families too. Whatever Eda needs, they have it.

 

* * *

 

Satele Shan lives now near the Jedi Temple because she likes teaching. Her times with saber-staff are long gone, but she has lots of knowledge to be shared. Her small cottage is ascetic. Like the most devoted Jedi, she takes pride in living a very modest life dedicated to Jedi-code, meditation and teaching. All that can wait when Eda comes to visit Granny.

"My dear girl, come to Granny, come!" Satele is waiting for them outside her cottage, hands already reaching for Eda.

"Let's show Granny what you can, shall we?" Theron chuckles and places Eda standing on the ground. Then he lets go of Eda's hands, and Eda takes few wobbly steps towards Satele before she decides it is safer to crawl, drops to the ground on her butt and then crawls on all four to Satele.

"Are you that big a girl already? You can walk? Can she say words too?" Satele shines while lifting Eda up on her arms.

"She says dadi and dada and we hope it means us. But she understands speech very well, we have to begin to be careful what we speak around her," Marnh laughs.

Satele has dinner ready, and they gather around the table. Eda is allowed to eat regular food now, and she can drink from a cup. Theron and Marnh were bewildered when they realised they didn't have a baby any more. A year...it is not much, now is it? But for Eda it is. She walks, soon she talks too, she eats what others eat, she understands speech, she has her ways to say what she wants and what she likes and what she hates. She hates hats that go over her ears and rages like a Nexu when she has to tolerate one. She loves her books, and Marnh has learned to hate a book called "Happy Little Manka cat," almost as much as Theron hates a book called "Where is Thranta's nest?"

"I was thinking..." Satele begins when they are cleaning the table after the dinner. "I told you we have this nice guest house now, they have a restaurant and all...how about you two go there and spend some time without Eda. I would love to be with her as much as I can. I'm old, and after Jace died...well, I really would like to be with her. And you can have a small vacation."

Theron and Marnh don't even have to look at each other. Marnh runs to take their weekend-bag where he put most of his and Theron's necessaries, and Theron drops a bag with Eda's things on Satele's feet.

"There, and thank you!" He quickly hugs her, kisses Eda and then they are out from the door. Eda cries after them, but they know she is in good hands. Former Grand-Master of Jedi Order is babysitting her, if that isn't safe then what is?

 

* * *

 

**Satele:**

Eda cries when we watch from the window how Theron and Marnh disappear, hand in hand.

"See, Eda, your fathers need to be alone now and then, adults are strange like that. Let's see if Granny has a bun for you."

Eda gets her bun and forgets the whole episode of disappearing fathers. I fetch the spare stroller I got from the guest house and I put her in them. We are going for a walk. She can take a nap while we are at it.

Eda sits on a stroller and enjoys her life. Weather is nice, warm but not hot, wind blows gently. We walk to the Jedi Temple because I'm a show-off when it comes to my granddaughter. I don't care how funny it is, I never had a chance to enjoy Theron's childhood. It is my own fault, of course, but I still don't blame myself for it. I did what I had to do. I believed I did the right thing. Theron was in good hands. He was safe, and he was taken care of.

I watched from the sidelines how he was trained to be a Jedi by my former Master, Ngani Zho. And then they found out that Theron is not Force sensitive. I watched from the sidelines how he became an expert in technology and began to work for SIS. I thought he went too far with it when he took cybernetics, but I had no right to meddle in his life. I wasn't there when he was a child, I had no right to be there when he was an adult. People might think my absence was all about being a Jedi...but it wasn't. I made a decision and gave up my son. I made a decision to hide him from his father. I didn't ask what they would want. After those decisions were made, I had no rights left. I could only watch from the sidelines.

I'm lucky Theron wants to have anything to do with me. Jace died in his sleep four months ago. Exploded blood vessel in brains. I'm happy he saw Eda before he died. I'm sad they didn't have more time to be together. I think...in the end Theron and Jace were close. I think Marnh has much to do with it.

I have to sigh when I think about Marnh. Everything he represents has always disgusted me. If he would have chosen to turn to be a Jedi, I would feel very different about him. We have always had Force sensitives who have deflected and wanted to be a Jedi. Of course, the same happens other way around too. Ashara was Darth Marnh's apprentice. Now she is again with us. She is a decent Jedi, not a great one, but we all have our parts to play in this world. She doesn't have to be great. She is good enough.

But Darth Marnh...he chose my son. And I do have to remind myself time after time that Theron is very happy with him, and he has been a faithful spouse to Theron. He almost died for Theron too. Not many people can say they love someone THAT much.

"Hello, is that Eda?" One of the new council members stops us and bends down to pat Eda's head. Eda smiles at him with all her face. "She is such a pretty girl, but they all are at that age, aren't they?"

I have to admit that yes, they all are. Then we keep going and Eda's head begins to fall down to her chest. I lower the back of the seat and cover her with a blanket so she can sleep.

Where was I?

Yes, of course I would have liked to see Theron settle down with a nice woman and have a family he never had as a child. When Theron began to be over 25, I began to be more in his life. We worked together now and then, and at least we somewhat learned to know each other. I introduced Elena to him, and he liked her enough to marry her. It lasted for three years. Later he said he was unhappy all the time when he was married, and he will never marry again.

Imagine my shock when he marries a former Dark Lord. And I had no idea he was into men. Not that it matters, I really don't care, but I just never saw it coming. He had a reputation of being somewhat a ladies man. One look at Darth Marnh and all that changes. I don't believe people can just turn to be something at adult age, I'm sure he has always liked men too. Not that it matters. I've been just questioning myself sometimes...if Darth Marnh would have been a woman, would it have been easier for me to accept them? But no. It has nothing to do with him being a man, it has everything to do with him being a Sith. If he would have turned to be a Jedi, he would have been under my eyes. I could have watched over him, and made sure he is not an imposter.

Now I had to trust him. I had to trust him to be sincere. Even though he let me read his mind, I still had my doubts. I was worried about Theron, and I was worried about the Republic. Of course, when he lost his powers (I have never heard that something like that can happen), the situation changed. He is just an ordinary person now. The Imperium wouldn't want to have anything to do with him. He is useless to them. I think he is quite happy about it.

As a Jedi, I've always had the ability to admit when I've been wrong. Without that ability a person can't learn and grow, and every Jedi is expected to be humble in front of their own mistakes. I'm happy I was wrong about Darth Marnh. He has been trustworthy. He has helped the Republic tremendously through his work in the Senate. My son is happy with him. And now he gave me Eda.

I happen to know that having a child was Marnh's idea. When they began to search for one, Theron called me and asked if I know a place in Coruscant that could help them. I asked a few questions from him and figured out that Marnh wanted to have a child, and Theron wouldn't even dream of stopping Marnh from having something he wants that much. So, I told him about an orphanage I know and they got Eda.

We are back at home and Eda is still sleeping. I let her sleep in the stroller and sit down on a bench in the sunshine.

Eda is a beautiful little girl. She has blond hair and blue eyes. Theron has my Asian features and Marnh is a Zabrak. They are quite a family! Even a blind can see that neither of them can be Eda's real father. I wonder who the woman was who left Eda at the door of the orphanage. I'm sure Theron and Marnh sometimes think about it too. I hope she knows that someone took her baby-girl and gave her a good, loving home. And this girl is definitely loved.

I almost fall in sleep myself when Eda wakes up crying. It is time to give her a snack and unpack her things.

 

* * *

 

"Dadiiiiiii, dadaaaaaaa..." Eda cries and crawls to the door as fast as she can with her little hands and knees when she hears Marnh's voice.

"Hey little bird, did you miss us?" Marnh laughs and lifts her up. "Ooops, I'm sure you have gained weight with Granny! We were away only two days, not two weeks!"

"Sorry if we were away too long...Thank you so much for looking after Eda," he then continues to Satele. Theron comes in and kisses first Marnh, then Eda.

"Did she behave with you?" Theron asks.

Satele notices a huge love-bite in Theron's neck, no, two of them...she decides it is best to try not to look at those again. What are they, teenagers?

"She was a little sunshine. Few times she looked at the door and begin to cry but I just distracted her and she forgot about it. No need to thank me, we had so much fun among girls here. But I swear if I have to read "Happy Little Manka cat" again, I will explode," Satele answers.

They sit down to eat and talk. Eda is clinging to both Marnh and Theron like her life would depend on it. And in a way, for her it does. Children are painfully aware that they have no way to cope in this world unless someone takes care of them.

"We will go to see Auntie Ashara tomorrow," Marnh tells to Eda who is sitting on his lap, head resting on his chest.

Ashara is Eda's godmother. Another strange human-tradition to rile Marnh up.

"She needs a...godparent? Don't tell me this is again something you do to worship a God you don't even worship. Humans are SO strange," Marnh cried out when Theron told him Eda has to have at least one godparent.

"Look, it is a human-tradition, yes, but this is good. I'm sure in old times it had something to do with God too, but now it just means that if something happens to us, the godparent will take care of Eda," Theron calms Marnh down.

"Whoah, here I thought we have to fetch a priest again, two in worst case. Alright, how about I ask Ashara, is it good?"

It was good, and Ashara was happy to agree.

 

* * *

  
"She is such a cute child!" Ashara laughs when they go to see her to the dormitory where she lives with the other Jedi.

Eda is in awe. She has never seen a Togruta before, and all the colours make her fall in love with Ashara at the first sight.

"Is Auntie Ashara that pretty?" Theron has to ask when Eda keeps patting Ashara's face while sitting on her lap. Then she grabs her lekku and tries to pull.

"No no, don't do that, it hurts!" Marnh has to pull her hands away from Ashara's head. Ashara laughs so hard she gets tears in her eyes.

"Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined you as a father! But actually I think you are the mother here," Ashara opens up to Marnh with a chuckle.

"What? No! Don't say so! I'm not feminine!" Marnh protests.

"No...you are not feminine," Ashara says, and now she is serious. "But you do enjoy taking care of others. Theron is protective, you are nurturing. I think both are admirable characteristics in a man. Andronikos was protective too, in his own way..." She sighs deep when she continues:

"I keep having dreams of Andronikos. I have hard time to let him go. I hope I'm not keeping him stuck in here, because sometimes I swear I can hear his steps and smell him. But if I try to forget him, it hurts even more. I want to keep him alive in my heart."

There is nothing Marnh can say to make her feel better. Andronikos is dead, and nothing can bring him back. There is nothing good in it for someone who loved him like Ashara did. So he doesn't even try. He just touches Ashara's hand in order to comfort her. Once she was his apprentice. It was so long ago, in a very different life than this.

"Come visit us soon, though you must share a room with Eda, our house is so small. It would be nice to see you more often," Theron says to change the subject, and it helps, soon those two are planning Ashara's visit to Alderaan.

Two weeks go fast. They celebrate Eda's first birthday with Satele and Ashara. They don't know when Eda's birthday exactly is, but a week or two here and there doesn't matter. She is one year old. Marnh bakes a cake and Eda gets presents. She doesn't care much about them, but she does love the wrappings.

Satele watches from the sidelines Theron being a husband and a father now, and she thinks her son is something you can honestly call "a good man".

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Satele mentions her "Asian features" I figured that as races still seem to exist in SWTOR, people with Asian features just are called Asian, and it has nothing to do with our Asia and people living there. In my eyes both Satele and Theron look quite Asian, and I have seen a mention somewhere of Theron being multiracial/Asian.  
> I want to mention again that Marnh and Theron are living in an alternative SWTOR-universum of my own, and they took a jump out from the lore the moment I sat down to write about them for the first time. So, Theron's first marriage is my imagination ( I swear to you, he told me about it in my head), and so are many other things. Kotfe never happened here, Emperor never died, and whatever happened with Revan must have been for different reasons than in game.


	4. Terrible Two

Marnh moans when he collapses back in the bed. He is so tired and agitated he feels like smashing something.

"How many times has she done that THIS night?" Theron's muffled voice comes out from under the pillow pressed over his head to not hear Eda's screaming.

"I have lost the count. I have lost the count of the nights too. Theron, who took our sweet girl and put that monster in her place?" Marnh says, feeling like crying from the sheer frustration.

"I have no idea, but when I find him I'll gut him," Theron answers. He throws the pillow on the floor and turns to hold Marnh.

"Let's try to sleep for a moment, she is sleeping now, right? Soon it's morning anyway."

Eda has decided she doesn't want to sleep in her own bed. When she was one year old and mostly slept through nights, they moved her bed to her own room, next to Theron's and Marnh's bedroom. Marnh is adamant about Eda not having any business come to their bed at nights.

"Look, we need our own space too. She is better in her own room, in her own bed, and our bed is ours. When she is old enough to go to school, I will buy a lock to that bedroom door, just watch me. I don't want her to run here in the middle when we are having sex and getting traumatized by it," Marnh declares to Theron.

Now Eda simply climbs out from her bed and comes to theirs. Several times a night. This has been going on for weeks. There can be one less restless night now and then, and then comes a night when she does it every hour. Marnh keeps carrying her back to her own bed because he has decided this is a battle Eda can't win.

Marnh and Theron feel like their home has suddenly turned out to be a battlefield. Eda does her best to test their patience. Theron is more lenient and feels Marnh is sometimes too strict, but now when Eda is turning to be more difficult to handle every day, he has started to think it is only good that one of them has a disciplined nature. If they both would have his tolerance for Eda's antics, Eda would rule the house. They don't understand that she already does exactly that.

Morning comes sooner than they wish. Two half-dead fathers have to make breakfast, feed themselves and one reluctant daughter and Theron leaves to the restaurant. It is his working week, and Marnh's taking-care-of-Eda week. Marnh promises to make the orders to the suppliers for the next week. He has to take Eda with him to the restaurant, but he thinks it is only good for her. She loves the restaurant where Martan and the other two workers always fuss over her.

Eda has her own ideas about the breakfast.

"Eda, eat up your porridge. Look, Dada put some jam on it."

"No."

"Eda, now you eat your porridge, after that we will go to the restaurant to see Daddy and Martan."

"No, it's sticky," Eda just says and tries to leave the table.

"Gods, Eda, you don't leave the table before you have eaten at least something!" Now Marnh begins to lose his temper.

"NO NO NO! I don't want to!" Eda runs from the table and hides behind the couch.

What can he do? You can't force a child to eat, now can you? You can't just grab her head, force her mouth open and shovel the food in? All you can do is tell yourself she will eat when she is hungry.

"Alright, don't eat then. But no food for you before lunch, I don't care how hungry you get. Four hours from now is the next time you will get any food. Be without until then." Marnh cleans the table.

He is tired, so tired of having this constant war with a small toddler. What has happened to her? It started just before her second birthday. She first began to say "NO" to everything. Then she began to have temper tantrums over silly things, like Theron and Marnh talking about something funny and then laughing out loud. If they kiss or hug in front of Eda, it is a guaranteed way to make her lose it. She may want something, and then when she gets it, she rages because something is wrong with it. It is too big, too small, wrong colour, you name it, she has raged about it. Marnh and Theron are being on their wits end now when Eda is two and a half years old. They feel they must have done something very wrong.

"Is it because we didn't have families? In what point during these two years have we messed up this badly?" Theron wondered to Marnh.

"I have no idea. I don't remember much about my childhood before I began to work in mines. You were raised by a Jedi and professional nannies. I don't believe you were much harmed by that, you have always been the more balanced one in this relationship," Marnh answered.

Marnh gives Eda her dress and socks and tells her to put them on. She can dress herself if clothes are simple. Eda likes to do things by herself and Marnh can check his messages while Eda is at it.

"You finished? Good, that's my girl. Come and give Dada a kiss and we'll go to check the restaurant. We have to see that Daddy has it under control. I'm sure Martan is already waiting for you."

Eda has turned the sunshine on and comes to give Marnh a hug and a kiss. Marnh puts her coat, shoes and cutest hat on, lifts her up on his arms and they walk through the garden to the restaurant.

Theron is busy taking care of customers. Marnh and Eda go to the back of the restaurant, where they have a large kitchen, a small office, staff room and storages.

"Hello Eda, did you come to see Daddy?" Chef says with a smile. He is a large Twi'lek who runs the kitchen, mostly alone with additional help from Martan. Martan, a relaxed Cathar, is their handyman who can jump into any role. When owners are away, he is the boss too. In the holiday-season they hire some extra hands to run between kitchen and tables, but now it is not needed and one waitress, a young human-girl, is enough. Theron and Marnh are serving or standing behind the bar, taking turns weekly. Marnh used to cook, but after Eda came, he gave up on that and they got a proper chef. They think he is worth every credit because he is a magician in the kitchen.

"Well, isn't it my favourite girl!" Martan comes to the kitchen when he hears Marnh's voice. "Hello gorgeous, when will you marry me?" He laughs and grabs Eda on his arms.

"Don't give her anything to eat, she didn't eat her breakfast and she has to learn to eat when the food is on the table," Marnh warns Martan. Then he goes to the office to do the orders, keeping one ear open in case Eda is causing trouble. Staff has nothing against watching Eda for a moment if her fathers have something to do, but it is not ideal. They have their own work to do.

Suddenly he hears a loud scream and then Theron's angry voice. When kitchen door opens he runs out of the office to see what the noise is about.

Eda has managed to run out from the door to the restaurant hall. She was flirting with customers when Theron noticed her. Theron grabbed Eda in his arms and threw her back to the kitchen. Of course Eda doesn't like to be treated like that. She is screaming as much as her lungs can manage, and that is a lot. Marnh is sure windows will shatter soon from the high-pitched noise.

"Take her! We have soon no customers if they are not allowed to eat in peace without a toddler messing on their plates!" Theron is really angry now.

Marnh takes Eda from Theron, and while he is doing it, Eda hits him on the shoulder with her small fist.

"GO AWAY! I WANT TO GO BACK!" She screams.

"EDA! You can't hit your Dada, no, you can't hit anyone! Take her back to the home right now, this doesn't work anymore!" Theron yells.

"I will finish the orders, don't you worry about them,"Martan says and pats Marnh on the back. Marnh is about to cry. How much of a failure he is as a parent when his little girl hits him?

 

* * *

 

Next week is Marnh's working week. When he comes home it is late and he is tired, but Theron is so frustrated with Eda he feels like exploding. Now and then the sunshine comes back for a few hours and Eda is like a kitten, and then without a warning something is bad: Socks are wrong colour, food is bad, she doesn't want to sleep or she has to sleep in a wrong place. The wrong colour of socks made her cry for an hour. The food ended up on the floor. When Marnh comes home Theron is sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and Eda is wrecking havoc in the living room.

"Sorry, but I have no strength left to stop her from doing that," he says with a tired voice to Marnh, who is standing on the door, looking in awe the chaos in the living room. Eda has managed to empty the whole bookshelf, and is now working to empty all the dirt from the plants to the floor too.

"This day has been the worst ever," Theron adds on his defence. He is simply so tired of being angry, holding himself together, trying not to yell at Eda, trying to talk sense to a small girl who only screams. He wants to be a good father, and good fathers don't yell at their children. Good fathers have children who are like angels and listen what they are told to. Obviously he is the lousiest father in the world. Sharing that title with Marnh doesn't make it feel any better.

"Gods, this has to stop NOW!" Marnh yells and marches to grab Eda from the floor. Eda is holding a plant in her hand, and Marnh reaches to take the plant from her fist.

Eda sinks her teeth in Marnh's hand and doesn't let go. She bites as hard as she can, and her teeth are small and sharp. They go through his skin. In horror Marnh yanks his hand away from Eda's mouth. In shock, he watches how blood is dripping to the floor from the bite wound.

"That's it!" Theron shouts and then Eda flies in her room. She screams pitifully because she is now very scared. She knows she is not allowed to break things, and she is definitely not allowed to hit someone. She knows she has done something very wrong. She just can't help herself. Theron shuts the door and leaves her screaming in her room.

"Love, let me see that..." Theron looks at Marnh's mutilated hand. "I don't think it is dangerous, it looks worse than it is, but maybe you should go to see the nurse."

Marnh presses his forehead into Theron's chest and begins to sob.

"She hates me, she hates me this much...I knew I would be a terrible father. This is my fault, I wanted us to have a child, even though I have no ability to take care of one, and now I have turned her into a monster..."

Theron pulls Marnh in his arms. He kisses him, feeling his pain as his own. Everything Marnh feels right now, he has felt for a long time too.

"Go to see the nurse, and while you are at it, ask them if Eda needs to see a specialist. They know about children and can help us, I'm sure of it. I look after that little monster. I think she'll sleep soon, she's been crying for some time now there," Theron says, kissing Marnh one more time.

Marnh leaves to the clinic they use when Eda needs something. She has been a very healthy child, but apps they got from orphanage told they should take her to a nurse for a check at certain ages. Eda has her own nurse there, a young male-Mirialan, and Marnh asks to see him now. He gets lucky, Eda's nurse is in the evening shift. He has to wait for an hour with his hand, but he is adamant. He feels that talking to another man about this would be easier. He is afraid of being judged, and he is already judging himself, no need for more of it.

"Tsk tsk," the nurse says when he sees Marnh's hand. "Tell me about this while I patch you up, I think I give you a tetanus too, just in case."

Marnh tells him everything. How Eda suddenly began to be difficult when she turned two years, and how it gets harder and harder to manage her. How she has begun to hit him, and now it all has escalated into Marnh sitting here with a bite wound in his hand.

"It is the Terrible Two," the nurse says when he has finished.

Marnh looks at him in horror.

"No, we have only one, thank the Gods, but I agree, she is terrible in every way!"

"Her age is called the Terrible Two," the nurse has to chuckle, but he gets serious again right after that.

"It is the age when human and human-like children learn to regulate their emotions. They test their limits, and learn what is allowed for them. You might notice that tantrums are connected to her feelings and her inability to understand them. This is a very important age, and she definitely shouldn't be allowed to rule the house like she does now." The nurse has a worried look on him, and that worries Marnh too.

"But what can we do? I will never hit her, no matter what! I've been a slave in the Imperium since birth, and I want better for my child. My husband wouldn't even dream of hitting her, he couldn't live with himself if he would do something like that. I'm the one in our family who has the ability to be cruel, _and I choose not to raise my hand against her._ If you haven't heard it before, now you know it: I used to be a Sith. I was a member of the Dark Council. I have zero problems with violence. _I will not hit a defenceless child._ " Marnh is getting both angry and desperate.

"No one told you to hit her, and you definitely shouldn't. Hurting her would make things only worse. It's abuse and makes children to be fearful and traumatized, and I think you have experienced that in your own childhood. To me, it's quite telling that hitting her is _the first thing_ that comes to your mind. You have been abused, and you have chosen not to abuse your child. I'm very happy about that." The other man touches his arm to comfort him.

"I...yes, for me it was normal to be abused. I want better for Eda. I wouldn't hit Theron either, no matter how angry I'd be with him. I wouldn't be much better than an animal if I would abuse the people I love. But I...I had to kill. A lot. I have no idea how many lives I have taken. I never enjoyed it. I did what was expected from me, from every Sith. It was long ago." Saying this makes Marnh uncomfortable, but it is the truth.

The nurse nods, just to show he understands what Marnh is trying to tell him: That regardless what he used to be, he has chosen to be something else now.

"But she needs more discipline, that is for sure. Do you agree with your husband on how to parent Eda? Does one of you say "yes" and the other one "no"?" The nurse asks while he prepares the tetanus injection.

"We do agree most of the time. We are in this together, and we have each others back. Shouldn't that be given?" Marnh has to wonder.

"No, it's not given in many families. If you agree, things are much easier for you and Eda. Eda can't manipulate you against each other in the future. Just wait when she gets to her teens and rebelling age begins. Terrible twos ends soon after she turns three years. You will get your child back. This is a very important step in her life. But if you don't get her to learn certain things now, you are in for a trouble."

"I...I feel like a total failure. I was sure I have messed her up. Me and Theron...neither of us had parents or a family or a carefree childhood. I've been really worried about this," Marnh says.

The nurse injects him with the tetanus.

"It is natural to feel guilty in situations like these. It is not your fault. Every single humanoid child goes through this age, Zabraks too," the nurse smiles to Marnh now. "You should take comfort in knowing that she rebelling like this is a sign that she is feeling safe with you. You may notice she is like an angel with strangers."

"But how should we go on with this from now on?"

"Just...be firm with her, and don't give up to her whims. When she gets a tantrum, don't argue with her. You do right by carrying her to her own bed at nights, now begin to carry her in her own room when she is impossible. Don't allow her to come out before she has calmed down. If she hits you, you can use your angry voice and then put her in her room. Make her to apologize for what she has done. It is very important. She has to apologize and then you kiss and make up. This way she learns that hurting others is wrong. She learns to self-soothe. When she has calmed down and apologized, you can then have a talk with her and ask how she felt and what made her feel bad. She learns to speak to you about her feelings. She learns that you are there for her even if she is not perfect."

With that information Marnh goes home. They clean the living room. Eda is sleeping. Marnh tells Theron everything the nurse told him, and they sit down to talk about it and make a plan how to act from now on with Eda. Their ability to be there for each other without power plays and blame games is the foundation of their marriage, and now they have to stand on that foundation. They are not used to being with children, and they feel insecure about pretty much everything concerning Eda.

They keep carrying Eda back to her bed at nights. After one more week doing that she finally gives up and begins to sleep in her own bed. They shut her in her room every time she behaves terribly. At first they feel she spends more time crying in her room than in downstairs with her parents, but it doesn't really last that long. Surprisingly fast she begins to apologize before she is thrown into her room. Even more surprising is how easy it is to talk with Eda about her behaviour after the situation is over.

Once again, she had a tantrum because Theron and Marnh kissed.

"Would you now tell Daddy, why you got angry when you saw Daddy and Dada kissing each other?" Theron asks from a small girl sitting on his lap and drying her tears on his shirt.

"I want kisses and hugs too..."

"But we kiss and hug you all the time. Do you like it?"

"Yes!"

"You see, me and your Dada, we like it too. We like to kiss and hug you because we love you. We like to kiss and hug each other because we love each other too, just as much as we love you."

Eda thinks for a moment.

"Everybody kisses and hugs?"

"Yes, the people they love. We love you, and we love each other."

"Can I have a bun?"

"How do we say when we ask for something?"

"Can I have a bun, please?"

When she turns three years, they get their sweet girl back. She has learned the two most important lessons of being a person: You are not allowed to hurt others, and the world doesn't spin around you.

 

 


	5. Just us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I moved this chapter to its original place, instead of it being a separate story. This is one of my faves, and I loved writing it.

"Give Dada a kiss and then go play with the others," I tell Eda who can't wait to get to other children. She kisses me on the cheek and then runs to the group of girls playing with toy animals.

When she turned three we began to think she needs the company of other children. I asked around in the restaurant (it's handy to be a restaurant keeper), and found out there is a play-group for small children not too far away from where we live. Eda is now there one day a week for four hours, and when she turns four she can be there two or three days a week. When she turns six she will go to school. She is a very social child and having some company has done wonders to her. Me and Theron, we tend to be more on the introverted side of the personality, but clearly Eda is not like we are. No wonder, she doesn't carry our genes. I can never say: "Oh, she is just like Theron, comes to her father."

I decide to go to see some clothes for Eda before I go home, and I want to find a gift for Theron. Theron comes home from work too so we can be together. Today is our wedding anniversary. We have been married for fifteen years. I can't believe how lucky I've been. I used to be a dark being who didn't even understand how miserable he was. Now I have a husband, a child and a business of my own. What I most wanted from my life was to be free. Now I am. It is all thanks to Theron. Without him I still would be a dark, miserable being whose only goal would be staying alive.

On the way home is a small shopping centre and that's where I'm going. There is this shop that sells clothes for the whole family, and it is our favourite. Sales personnel are used to help me and Theron with Eda's clothes. The thing is, we don't understand a thing about them, but we think she has the right to be just as pretty as the next girl. She may live with two fathers who have zero fashion-sense when it comes to girls, but there is no excuse for her to look like it. So, what we do is we walk into this shop, tell the personnel she needs clothes for reasons that may vary, and they pack them for us in right size. Now Eda needs clothes for winter. It is autumn and it's getting colder every day.

Before I step inside I see something in the shop window. It is an off-white men's sweater.The material seems to be something I have never seen before, and it forms braid-like patterns in front of the sweater. I have no idea how it was manufactured either. I can see how it would look on Theron. It would look amazing on him.

I don't buy clothes for him. We are two grown-up men, living together, and marriage didn't change that. We don't share taste either. I have one colour, black, and I like to look a bit dramatic. Theron's taste is more classic, and he chooses colours that are close to nature. I think he is so handsome. He thinks I look good too. We have always valued our differences.

I know how easy it would've been for me to take a role of a wife. But I'm no one's wife, I'm a man on my own right. Being gay up to ears doesn't change that. So I sometimes knowingly avoid doing things that would look "wifey," and buying clothes for him is one of them. I cook, yes, but I have always cooked. Theron does other things, like most of the cleaning. He is better in it. I would just buy a droid.

But when I see that sweater I know it is for Theron. It has his name all over it.

"Hello, Mr. Shan! Does Eda need something?" One of the shop assistants approach me, smiling. She is a young Togruta, haven't been here for a long, but already knows me by name.

"She needs winter clothes, and I mean everything. All her clothes from last year are too small. But before that...can I see that white sweater in the window?" I point the miraculous sweater and woman goes and gets one for me from the shelf.

I take it in my hands. It feels...strange. I have never touched material like that before. It is soft and warm, but I can feel in my fingers it is durable. Before I even notice I have pressed the sweater against my face to smell it. It smells like winter.

"What material is this? I have never seen something like this?" I have to ask when I come back to my senses from sniffing the sweater.

"It is called "wool". It comes from these furry animals called "sheep" that live on some planets, eating grass. They grow a thick fleece, and then the keepers clip the fleece and it is called wool. Then the wool is spun into a yarn, and they make things from it by hand. Someone knitted this sweater. Sweaters made out of the wool can itch, but this has been softened and should be comfortable to wear," the shop assistant explains to me.

"Sheep? Knitting? I have never heard about anyting like that!" I have to wonder out loud.

"Sheep are rare. There is an old story that claims they originate from Earth, the same place than humans, and humans used to keep them for the wool and the meat, but you know, stories like that hardly ever are true," she says, and without me even noticing she already has a bag full of clothes for Eda.

I look at the price tag on the sweater and I almost drop my eyes. Maybe those sheep eat Rodian Flame Silk too? Or credits? It is more than those full bags of Eda's clothes will be. I do a quick counting in my head to see how much I have on my personal account. I have barely enough to pay for this sweater. Eda's clothes I will pay from our joint account.

Doesn't matter, I will buy it for Theron. It will be my anniversary gift for him.

"Do you want me to wrap it up as a gift?" The shop assistant asks from me when I pay for Eda's clothes and tell her I take the sweater.

"Ah...yes, please. We have a wedding anniversary today," I say, a little bit embarrassed. On the other hand, saying so makes me happy.

"I'm sure your husband will love it! I know my boyfriend would! And giving this luxurious sweater instead of some old flowers and candy is a very good idea." The woman smiles at me and gives me all my bags. Seems to be two large bags for Eda. From experience I already know she will need every item they chose for her.  I thank the Gods in my mind for the nice, friendly shop assistants who don't mind doing some extra work.

When I get home Theron is already there. He has tidied places while waiting for me, and there is fresh coffee for me in the machine.

"You got some clothes for Eda? Nice! I was thinking about that too." Theron takes the bags from me and looks inside them. "How much clothes can one little lady need? She will ruin us."

"I have something for you too..." I give him the package with the sweater in it and then I hug him. "Happy anniversary, I love you."

Theron is smiling, I can see he is pleased. He goes to sit on the couch. I get myself a cup of coffee and follow him. I want to see his reaction. I'm a bit nervous, I have never bought him something like this before.

He carefully opens up the package, and then his eyes widen when he sees the sweater.

"This is...it is awesome!" He does exactly what I did too, he presses it against his face and sniffs it. I have to chuckle.

"It is so soft...and I have never seen something like this. What is this material?" Theron asks when he begins to take his shirt away to try the sweater on.

"It is called "wool". It comes from some kind of animals which are called "sheep". I have no idea what they are. But they make yarn out of the wool, and then they make these sweaters by hand. I...thought of you when I saw it. You like it?"

"I absolutely adore it. How does it look on me?" Theron asks, hands caressing the sweater he is wearing now.

"You look gorgeous. I knew you would. It's made for you," I have to sigh. He looks so handsome. Theron is one of those men who just get better with the age. He is fifty-three years old and he still makes my heart beat faster.

"It's amazing. And it is so warm. Thank you love. I love you back." Theron gives me a long hug before he says:

"I have something for you too, and I swear these too had your name on them." He gives me a small package, and I guess right away there is jewellery in it. Carefully I take the wrapping away, open the box and then I have to gasp.

He gave me the earrings. Small hoops made out of beryllius.

Not long ago I pointed out to Theron how many of our younger male-customers have earrings. Especially the small hoops seem nice to me. Some have only one, some have several in one ear, some have earrings in both ears. It seems to be very fashionable now. I must admit I'm a bit vain, I have always been, and things like that easily catch my attention. Theron told me to get ones if I like them so much. I just shrugged it off, telling him I'm too old for it and they wouldn't look that good on me anyway. I saw Theron didn't agree with me, but he didn't say anything.

Looks like he definitely thought they would look good on me.

"I hope I didn't step over a line here, you would have to get your ears pierced...but they would really become you. If you don't like them, I can take them back..." Theron says and his voice has a worried tone in it.

"I absolutely love them, and I will get my ears pierced when we go and get Eda from the play-group! Thank you so much!" I bend forward to kiss him, and I forget all about the coffee. We have to celebrate our fifteenth anniversary on the couch. It is a luxury we understand to appreciate nowadays. We have Eda, and we can't make love anymore whenever and wherever we want.

Afterwards we just lie there, enjoying the silence and intimacy.

"Fifteen years married, seventeen years together...it is a lot, but on the other hand - it isn't. It doesn't feel like a lot," Theron ponders out loud.

"I get what you mean. A lot has happened, but us being together...it is just as it should be, right?" I answer to him while kissing his chest.

"Exactly. I don't go around thinking "oh my God, I'm married and I've been for a long time." For me it feels very natural to be married to you. I wouldn't change it for anything." Theron bends down to kiss me.

"Not even for a bunch of Twi'lek dancers?" I have to ask.

"Males or females?" He asks back.

"Both?"

"Tempting, but I have to say no. I'll still take you."

When we get Eda from the play-group, we go back to the shop that sold the earrings for Theron. They pierce my ear lobes, and Eda begins to cry. She tells the shop keeper not to hurt her Dada. Theron is comforting her by telling her how when she is bigger, she can get earrings of her choice too. Eda understands the concept "when you are bigger" quite well by now, she has heard it a few times. I'm sure if she could write, she would keep a list of things that's been promised to her "when you are bigger".

Theron was right, earrings really become me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Just us" is the name of JYJ's latest album. Intro of that album begin to play in my head  
> when I thought about a name for this. Intro is called "Just us" too.


	6. Chapter 6

"Theron, there is a call for you in the office," Martan shouts at me from the kitchen door. Marnh looks at him, then decides it is nothing for him and concentrates in talking to regulars while filling pints. I walk past him and he smiles at me. Our hands touch shortly, just to say "there you are, and here I am. I love you."

The comm is waiting for me in the office, and I pick it up.

"The Signing Thranta, Theron Shan speaking, how may I help you?"

"I'm sorry to disturb you, this is Eda's teacher speaking. Could you come and pick her up, and I need to have a few words with you."

"What happened? Is she alright?" I startle. Maybe she got hurt? Is she ill?

"She is alright, but the boy she hit seems to think he is not."

"Eh...she hit someone? Alright, I'll be there as fast as I can."

Why would she hit someone? She has been happy with her school. She is now seven, and she spent the last year in pre-school. Now she is in "proper" school and until this, everything has gone really well. She is a bright kid, she has friends and she never says she doesn't want to go to school.

"Martan, could you free Marnh from the bar and tell him to come with me? Something's happened at Eda's school and we have to pick her up. I think it is best we both go."

"Alrighty Boss!" Martan grins and leaves for the bar. After a moment Marnh comes to me, looking surprised.

"Martan told me we have to go to Eda's school?"

"Yep, she hit some boy. Don't freak out, I'm sure it is not as bad as it sounds. But we have to go now."

"What the...she hit a boy?" I can hear Marnh's voice behind me when I rush out from the door.

When we arrive at Eda's school, they are all waiting for us on the schoolyard: Eda, her teacher who is a middle-aged woman, and a sulking boy. Boy's nose looks puffy.

"There you are. Good to see you both. Eda, do you tell your parents what you did or do I tell them?" Eda's teacher sounds tense.

"She hit me on the nose! I BLED! I got a NOSEBLEED! She is a monster, just like YOU! My father says that psychos like you shouldn't be allowed to live here!" The boy suddenly shouts, pointing Marnh with his finger and then he runs inside.

"See, Dada! That's why I hit him! He called you names! He said you are an evil man and you should be..." And then Eda begins to cry, mostly because she is so angry.

Marnh lifts Eda up and dries her tears.

"It is alright, little bird. We will take care of this, don't you worry. But you know you shouldn't hit anyone, don't you?"

"I told her to apologize from the boy, but she refuses. I really don't know what to think. I do believe she should be punished," Eda's teacher now says, voice even more tense. I guess she is afraid of the boys father. She is not afraid of us. Obviously we are not important enough to be worried about.

"Who's the boy's father?" I ask.

"Reinert Ulgo. Close relative of the leader of the House Ulgo."

"And I don't care if he is the King of Alderaan. I'm not afraid of him. We will punish Eda as we see fit, _after_ we have heard her!" Marnh now raises his voice. I put my hand on his arm in order to tell him to keep it quiet until we are at home.

"Well, yes, she is your daughter. But we don't allow violence or bullying in our school!" The teacher says, standing hands crossed over her chest.

"I will not say I'm sorry because I'm not! He called my Dada names and he can't do that!" Eda cries from Marnh's arms.

"So, the boy bullied Eda and Eda defended herself? So you don't allow bullying, but you allow Eda being bullied?" Marnh says, and I can see he _so very much_ would like to turn the crazy on. Can you believe my husband worked as a diplomat? That he was famous of his tact and finesse? But at that time he didn't have a daughter to defend, I guess.

"This is not easy for me either... There has been all kinds of talk in the community about you two and your backgrounds. And your lifestyle too. I'm not a narrow minded person and I don't pay attention to gossip, but I can't help that other children hear them at their homes." Eda's teacher pinches her lips shut, like to show what she thinks about people spreading rumours.

"I can guess what they say. He used to be a Sith, so what? She has two fathers, so what? What about our lifestyle? We live very respectable life. We don't drink, we don't do spice, we don't throw parties, we work and take care of Eda. That is our life," I have to say now too. On the other hand, I know how people are. I have no delusions. I knew that people talk about us. We hear all kinds of things too while working. But mostly...people who are bigoted simply don't come to our restaurant, and still we have enough paying customers to feed us and our workers.

"Well...some people still think it is not right to let...people with your preferences...to marry or adopt children, but of course, this is a large galaxy and many cultures have always accepted it. Some people seem to be very...conservative...with things concerning...preferences. In this school we don't encourage speech like that. Then there is this issue of him being a Sith...some people find it disturbing," the woman says now, looking at her hands. I can see she is a little bit embarrassed. Maybe she really sees herself as an open minded woman and feels she is in a bind here.

"Do you know that Eda's grandparents fought for Alderaan? Oh, you didn't know that? My husband here," Marnh points at me now," is a son of Satele Shan and Jace Malcom. So I might not be a very respectable person, but he and his family is enough of it for both of us," and then he turns around and leaves, carrying Eda.

"I...I understand your situation, I do. But Eda had no right to hit the boy..." Eda's teacher says, looking desperate.

"I know. We'll speak with her. But if she refuses to apologize from the boy, we can't force her. She is very stubborn when she thinks she is right," I say.

"I have to say something to the boys father."

"Tell him the truth. If he gives you trouble, send him to us. We will handle him," I say to the teacher and then I follow Marnh and Eda.

 

* * *

 

When we get home Marnh gives Eda a snack and then sends her up to her room to do her homework, telling her we will speak with her after we have spoken with each other about what she did. Eda protests:

"I would do it again! He is a mean boy, always picking a fight with me. Every day he says bad things about you, Dada! I know it's wrong to hit someone, but I'm not sorry!"

"I know, I know. But do as I told you," Marnh says and gives her a kiss. Pouting, she goes to her room, slamming the door behind her.

"What a mess," I have to sigh.

"Do you really think we should punish her?" Marnh asks from me.

What can I say? The thing is...I agree with Eda. She did what her fathers always do: We stand for the people we love. It is us she comes after. We maybe didn't give her birth, but we have given her an example. I once broke a nose from a customer who shouted at "that bloody Zabrak with "Sith" written all over his face" to bring him a pint. I know Marnh could have done the nose-breaking all by himself, but he didn't. He didn't say a word to defend himself. So I did what I had to as his husband. I made clear I defend him, even when he doesn't.

"I...no, I don't think so. It would be pure hypocrisy, don't you think?"

"Yes...Do you remember what I did to that woman who groped you?"

Damn, I had forgotten about that one. A drunken woman was interested in what I have in my pants. She decided to test it with...well...groping my groin. Marnh saw it, and I don't know what his upbringing, or more like the lack of it, said about hitting women...Marnh punched her, kicked her out and banned her for life.

When I was in shock for him hitting a woman, he just shrugged it away: "Theron, don't be ridiculous. I'm sure half of the people I have killed were women. It is called "equality". She was equal enough to grope you, I was equal enough to give her a beating for it."

"And what I did to that man who insulted you? I broke his nose. The girl has absorbed our values, isn't it only natural she thinks it is her responsibility to defend you?" I have to chuckle to Marnh.

"Theron, we should be serious about this...issue. It was an Ulgo-boy after all," Marnh tries to be serious and then he begins to laugh.

"She...bled him!" I have to laugh too.

"No, really, think if she turns out to be a Force sensitive. Another Satele Shan has born!" Marnh continues. That makes me serious.

"Don't, please. I so much pray the girl is not Force sensitive. I want her to have a normal life with freedom to do as she chooses," I have to say.

"My thoughts exactly. Come on love, let's go and give the girl a slap on the wrist and then tell her she did the right thing. Gods, I'm a bad man!" Marnh begins to laugh again.

Eda is sitting on her bed, cuddling her favourite toy dog. I can see she has been crying. It breaks my heart. She had to hear how someone badmouthed her father, and when she did what she thought was only a decent thing to do, she got in trouble.

"Are you angry at me?" She asks from us, voice trembling.

We both sit next to her on her bed.

"No," I have to say to her, because in this house we don't lie. "We are not really angry at you. We both understand why you did what you did, and the truth is, we would've done the same thing. And we have done it, actually. Both of us."

"We just hope you would make things easier for all of us and apologize the boy, and promise not to hit him again. And if he still keeps bullying you, you just tell us instead and we will take care of it," Marnh continues.

"I hope you would've told us about him from the beginning, we would've just gone to the boys father..." I try to say.

"...to give him a beating!" Marnh begins to laugh.

Eda looks at him in awe.

"Dada would you?"

"No, don't listen to him!" I have to say and then I just can't help it, I begin to laugh too.

"You...are not allowed to hit someone, doesn't Dada know it?" Eda is now very confused.

"No no no, don't listen to Dada now. He is not right in the head today. Will you promise me to apologize the boy?" I try to make things right.

"I will...If I really must. But I will pinch him secretly if he continues to speak ill of Dada!" Eda pouts again.

"No, just come to tell us about it," I try to say, but I have a bad feeling she will just keep pinching the boy. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

"Daddy, what is a Sith? And why does he say Dada is an evil man? My Dada is not evil, he is kind and all the girls in our class say he looks like a rock-star! Like one of them in the "Galaxy-Idols!" Eda tells us, eyes shining with pride.

I look at Marnh who bites his tattooed lower lip, trying to hold in a laugh.

"Well, your Dada does look like a rock-star, now when I think about it. Long hair and all. So all the girls fancy him?" I have to continue, just to rile up Marnh some more.

"Yes, they all say my Dada is the prettiest man in the whole Alderaan!"

"And what do they say about your Daddy?" Marnh has to ask, of course.

"They say he is just good looking," Eda says with a nonchalant voice.

"Just good looking? I'm offended!" I have to chuckle.

Then I have to get serious because we have to speak about the Sith. I knew this day would come. I don't know how I will survive the day when she begins to ask about her biological parents. She knows she is adopted, of course. She is not a stupid child. It didn't take long for her to notice that other children had mothers, and she had none. We simply told her we got her from a place for children who had lost their real parents, and now we are her parents. She accepted it just fine, but we'll see how long that keeps her content.

I pet her fine hair. Her hair is blond with a shade of ash, and we don't have the heart to cut it short. My husband is brave beyond my understanding. He took the girl and went at the hairdressers with her, telling them to teach him how to braid her hair. Eda sat there patiently, letting her Dada to practice. Marnh can make very nice braids now, but I definitely don't envy his skills. He is the one who does the fighting every morning with brushes, conditioners and hair accessories.

I look at Marnh for help. He nods, encouraging me to begin:

"About the Sith...you know what Granny Satele can do, and that Auntie Ashara is a Jedi?"

Eda nods. She has been following how Jedi practice when she visits Granny. She knows that some people are Force sensitive and they can become a Jedi. Fortunately, she has never said she wants to be one. Satele says she can't sense any signs of Eda being a Force sensitive, but sometimes people show the signs later, somewhere around the puberty.

"Well, I was like them once, but in the Imperium. Your Granny has been a very important person in the Republic, and so was your Daddy. Your Daddy was an agent. This is difficult for you to understand, I know, but think it like...the Imperium and the Republic are like neighbours who don't get along and fight with each other all the time," Marnh helps me.

"Were you a Jedi too, Dada? Daddy, what is an agent?"

"No, I was a Sith. Jedi uses the light side of the Force, and Sith use the dark side of the Force. Jedi live in the Republic, and Sith lives in the Imperium. I was a very...important Sith once. Little bird...I have lost my connection to the Force. I'm not like Granny and Auntie Ashara anymore, but I used to be almost as powerful as Granny is."

"Auntie Ashara was your Dada's student for a while. Just like you have a teacher, Jedi and Sith have teachers too. Dada was Ashara's teacher. And what comes to agents...they mostly try to find information that is hard to find...All kinds of secret things," I try to explain.

This is a lot for Eda to grasp. We know she can't understand it all, but it is hard to know how much she can take in one sitting.

"Are the Sith evil then? That mean boy always says my Dada is an evil man, but I know he is not!" Eda says, eyes flashing with anger.

I look at Marnh. It is best he says what he thinks. I still don't always understand his life as a Sith. I accept it, fully, without strings attached, but understand? No.

"I've done bad things. That is what people do when they take part in a war. The Jedi do things that look bad too. But the Sith have a capacity to be really bad, cruel people. I was not like that. I met your Daddy, and I chose to be different. But yes, often the Sith are seen as simply evil people. People who know about me being a Sith once, they like to call me evil because they don't see that not all of the Sith are evil."

"How did you meet Daddy?"

I have to smile, and Marnh smiles too when he continues:

"Well, we were fighting a war against a dangerous man called Revan, together. We liked each other a lot, and we wanted to be together after we won the war. Maybe it was our fate, who knows? But I moved to live with your Daddy, and I worked for the Republic too. We got married, that's what people often do when they love each other. All kinds of things happened, and we wanted something different for us. We bought the restaurant and moved to live here in Alderaan, and then we got you."

Eda hugs Marnh, and then me. I hug her back, and I get almost tears in my eyes when she says:

"I'm happy you got me, I wouldn't want to live with anyone else!"

"Little bird, we were really lucky to get you, you know?" I whispers to her.

Later, when we are having a dinner, Eda suddenly declares:

"When I'm big, I'm going to be an agent, just like Daddy! I will find all kinds of secret things and fight wars against dangerous men, and then I will meet someone like Dada and I will marry him."

We find ourselves to be quite speechless.

Next day Reinert Ulgo walks into our restaurant. He is a long, dark, arrogant man. To my surprise, he doesn't try to pick a fight, instead he wants to tell us that he has heard his son has been giving a hard time to our Eda.

"I have told him a gentleman doesn't behave like that with a lady, not even when the lady is only seven years old. If he does, he deserves to be punched in the nose." He bows and leaves our restaurant, without looking back.

 

 

 

 

 


	7. One week from Eda's diary

**Name** : Eda Shan              **Parents** : Theron and Marnh Shan

 

 **Age** : 13                          **Pets** : Alderaanian cat Revel

 

 **Height** : 155 cm              **Favourite food** : Chocolate in all forms!

 

 **Weight** : 49 kg                **Favourite colour** : Green

 

 **Hair** : Blond                    **Best friend** : Avela

 

 **Eyes** : Blue                     **Favourite subjects in school** : Math and Science

 

 

**Monday:**

I got this diary from Auntie Ashara and she said I should write in it every day, and I can write things I don't want to tell anyone. It's my birthday present from her. I had a birthday party last weekend. On Saturday all my classmates were here and we ate cake, and on Sunday Auntie Ashara came and we ate more cake. Granny just called. She will come to visit us next summer. Auntie Ashara was doing Jedi work, and she spent a night here and then continued her trip. I wouldn't want to be a Jedi. They have it boring. All they do is meditate and practice with light-sabers.

Auntie Ashara began to cry because my cat's name is Revel. I got it three months ago from my best friend Avela, their cat got kittens. Dada was sad too. I didn't know it was a sad thing to name a cat Revel. When I was very small this man used to visit me, and he told me his name is Revel. His first name was long and difficult and I don't remember it. He told me he is Dada's friend. I don't see him anymore. Dada told me he would talk about that man with me when I'm older. He and Daddy always say they will talk about some things with me when I'm older when they think I'm too young to understand. Like why their bedroom door is locked now and then. They don't know that I know they are doing IT (eeeewwww) when they lock the door. They teach us at school about sex (it was SO embarrassing) and how babies are made, but two men can't have babies so they had to adopt me. Avela says adults like to do it just for fun. Eeeewww!

Revel is white and has black markings on his head and back. We had to take him to a doctor and make it so that he will not run away to make kittens with other cats. That's what the boy-cats do when they are adults. He was a little sick after that, but now he is fine. He sleeps with me in my bed. Daddy doesn't like it, but Dada says it is alright if I want to sleep with my cat, he likes to sleep with Daddy too. Daddy slapped him, but they are only playing when they do that. My parents never argue. Avela says her parents argue all the time. My parents like to tease each other and then they laugh about it. I think it is funny. They could kiss and hug less though and not in front of other people. When I was small I was kissed and hugged a lot too. Now I don't want to anymore. Maybe I kiss and hug again if I have a boyfriend. Well, sometimes I let them hug me, but I think I'm too old to be cuddled like a baby. And I have Revel who cuddles with me!

 

**Tuesday:**

Today was fun at school, we had Math, Tech and Linguistics. I like Math and Tech, and I'm going to be an agent. Or maybe a doctor. I'm good in Science too, and I can already write some programs. I could make cybernetics. My Daddy used to be an agent. My Dada used to be a Sith, and then he was a diplomat in the Republic Senate. Now they have a restaurant. I like Martan who works there. Martan always gives me candy and cakes when my parents don't see.

When I came home from school, Dada was at home and we baked buns and biscuits. Dada teaches me how to bake and cook. He says it is good to know how to make your own food and not just eat ration bars and energy pudding. He says they are not food, they are torture.

Revel eats freeze-dried snow-mice and cat food. It smells bad, but Revel loves it. He loves ice cream too, and cream. Daddy says I shouldn't give cream to Revel because he seems to get a belly ache from it and he poops everywhere. I promised I will not give him cream from now on. Poor Revel.

I have to give him his dinner now, and then I have to clean his litter-box. My parents told me I can have Revel if I take care of him. I think it is easy, he washes himself and I just have to give him food and water and take away his poops.

 

**Wednesday:**

Today we got a new boy in our class. He is a Zabrak, and I think he is almost as pretty as Dada. His name is Neka. He doesn't have tattoos, but Dada told me he will get ones when he is fifteen. Neka comes from Iridonia, and his parents are scientists who came here to study Killiks. I have seen Killiks too. My parents say I shouldn't try to get close to them if I see them. They can capture you and make you a Joiner. But we don't have Killik-hives near our home, so we are safe. Daddy says Killiks are not mean, they are just Killiks, but we don't want to turn into Killiks so we shouldn't go near them.

My Dada wasn't born on Iridonia, he was a slave. I can see Dada gets sad when we talk about it, but he never says I shouldn't ask things like that. He says he is happy I get to go to school and they want me to study long because he never could go to school. Slaves don't go to school. He doesn't know if he has any relatives left. I told him he has me and Daddy and Auntie, and Granny likes him too, I'm sure of it. Granny just likes to pretend she doesn't. My Grandpa died when I was a baby and I don't remember him.

Our teacher asked my Dada to come to my school and teach us about the Sith and their culture. Dada said he is not sure if he wants to, he has to think about it. I think he should because all the girls in our class like him. I'm not sure if boys like him too, maybe one or two does if they fancy men. Some men like men, and some women like women. But then they can't make babies. I like boys if they are not stupid.

Auntie said I can write my secrets here, so I tell you something: Sometimes I think about my real mother and father, and why they had to give me away. But I don't want to tell Daddy and Dada about it, they would think I don't love them. I love them very much and I think I have the nicest parents in the world. They love me too, even when I'm naughty and I don't do as I'm told to.

 

**Thursday:**

After school me and Avela had a dancing lesson, we dance every Thursday and Friday. It is fun, but I'm not very good at it. I think I'm clumsy. Avela says she is clumsy too, but I know she is much better than I. It doesn't matter, I'm much better than she in Math. I don't have to be good in everything, I do many things just for fun.

Avela was sad because her parents are going to divorce. I will ask my parents if Avela can come to a sleepover tomorrow. They always say ”yes” but I have to ask before I invite her. Here no one argues and fights and we can eat snacks and watch Holo-viewer. Holo-show called ”Love in the Sith Academy” is our favourite. I guess they didn't make ”Love in the Jedi Temple” because Jedi have it so boring. Auntie told me the Jedi shouldn't fall in love and they are not allowed to date. The Sith are allowed to do whatever they want. Dada said it is not always a good thing. But Granny is a famous Jedi and she had my Daddy...so I guess she dated my Grandpa? I have to ask Daddy about this. Auntie Ashara told me she loved a man once, but she wasn't a Jedi then. I have to ask about that too. There are always so many things to ask, grown ups never tell anything interesting if you don't pester them.

Revel can sleep with Avela if she is very sad. She is afraid her mother will move back to Coruscant and she has to go with her. I hope not, she is my best friend and has been since I went to school.

I have to study Galactic History now, we have a test tomorrow.

 

**Friday:**

Avela comes soon, we were on the dancing lesson and I invited her to a sleepover. She will be here until Saturday-evening, then she has to go back to home because her mother has to work a night shift and Avela needs to be at home with her little brother. Her brother is 10. Their father moved away yesterday. Avela is really sad, but she is happy too because now she doesn't have to listen how her parents fight every day.

I asked Dada if he ever wanted to divorce Daddy. He said he never would. Then he thought about it and said that if Daddy would have met someone else and wanted to be with that other person, only then he would have divorced him. I told him Daddy would never be with anyone else. Dada said he knows it, and it works both ways, but you never know what happens in life and people can change. But I know Daddy is crazy about Dada, and they have been together for ages. They were together long before I was born.

But then Dada told me Daddy has been married before, with a woman. I didn't know! My Daddy has divorced once already! Isn't it awful? Poor Daddy. Dada said it wasn't because of him, Daddy was divorced when they met. I asked him if he fancied Daddy right away. He begin to laugh and said that it was love at the first sight, but he didn't know then it was love. I have to ask Daddy about his first marriage.An awfully lot to ask again. But I'm glad Dada told me. If Daddy and Dada have been married for decades now, I don't think there is much of a risk for them divorcing.

I wouldn't want to move to Coruscant with one of them.

I wonder if I will marry some day too? I don't know if I want to. My parents are happy together, but some couples seem to hate each other. They are always angry at each other. I don't want to live like that. I want to be happy. Maybe I just live with Revel. But what if I meet someone and I like him so much I want to be with him all the time? But then he has to like me too. If I get married, I want to have a marriage like my parents have. But I don't know if I want to kiss and hug all the time like they do. But maybe it is really fun when you have someone special?

Martan got married last summer, and we were all at his wedding. He married another Cathar, and she is having a baby now. I wonder if it will be as cute as kittens are? Revel was the cutest kitten ever. Now he is not a kitten anymore, but he is not yet an adult either. Maybe I can have a girl cat some day too, and then we will have kittens!

Avela is downstairs. I have to go, bye!

 

**Saturday:**

Avela left back to home after we had dinner. We cooked with Dada, he taught me and Avela how to make Iridonian stew. We made stew for humans too, and that was good because the Zabrak-food tastes really weird. Dada likes it, because he is a Zabrak and food tastes different for him. Me and Avela thought the Zabrak-food smelled like cat food. Maybe Revel would like Zabrak-food too?

Avela and I had so much fun. We ate too much candy and watched so many episodes of the ”Love in the Sith Academy” I don't think I want to see another one for some time. There is this Sith-apprentice (male) who is in love with another apprentice, but she is in love with her Master. And then there is this Imperial Officer who is in love with the Sith-apprentice, he is a man too. But the apprentice only thinks about the female-apprentice, and the Officer is jealous, and plots against her. The female-apprentices Master (who she loves), on the other hand is in love with some Jedi. But the Jedi says he has to turn to the Light Side and become a Jedi, and even then they can't be together because they are Jedi. It is really exciting, but I hope in the end someone gets someone!

I told my parents to NOT be all over each other when Avela is here, and of course they had to lie on the couch, watch Holo-viewer and cuddle. I was SO embarrassed. I'm sure they do it just to embarrass me in front of my friends. Avela said they are cute and when she is an adult she wants to find a husband like my Daddy. She says my Daddy is manly and handsome. I think he is just my Daddy.

When we were cooking Avela asked from Dada if life in the Sith Academy is like in the ”Love in the Sith Academy”. Dada laughed so hard, and then he said it is not. I asked if he used to date someone there, and he just said he did, ”a little.” How can you date ”a little?” I always thought you date or not. I don't know if I want to get married, but I know I want to date!

When we woke up we found out that Revel had vomited on the kitchen floor. We think he has parasites. Worms. It is disgusting! We have to take him to a vet to get an injection that kills all the worms from his belly. Others he can get very sick. We gave him pills against worms when we got him, but maybe it wasn't enough. Until then Revel is not allowed to come to my bed, and he is sad and cries behind my door right now. Dada said Revel will soon learn how to fly if it doesn't shut up. I didn't know Dada can be so mean.

 

**Sunday:**

Revel cried so much behind my door Daddy put him in the washing room for a night. He had vomited again, and now we saw there were WORMS. And I had to clean it because Dada and Daddy were too disgusted to do it. I think they weren't, they just thought Revel is my cat and I have to take care of him. Poor Revel. Tomorrow we take him to a vet.

Daddy and Dada were working today too, because it was Martan's free Sunday, and I was in the restaurant helping. I chopped vegetables for the Chef (he is a fat, blue Twi'lek and always happy), and I emptied tables and filled the dishwasher many times. Then I did some counting for Dada, he can count, but he doesn't really like it because he never got to go to school. In the Sith Academy they only teach you how to kill, not how to count. I think it is wrong. My Dada is a very smart man, and he knows a lot. But Dada thinks he is not good with numbers. Daddy does most of the numbers work. Then I cleaned one fridge that had been broken and is fixed now, but I had to clean it so they can use it again. I cleaned the kitchen floor and the office and the staff room, and I watered all the plants.

I worked for 6 hours and Daddy paid me 600 credits for it. Same as the waitress gets, 100 credits from the hour. I think it is nice to get my own money. I get money if I ask, but it is nice to do the work and get paid for it and think that I can buy whatever I want with it. The Chef made me lunch and I got some ice cream too. Our Chef makes the food so good people come here just to eat it.

I will use 100 credits to buy the latest album from Gee'tah. He is this Twi'lek-singer and he is so awesome and pretty and all the girls love him, me too. I have a big picture of him on my wall. Dada looked at it and then said he never has been into Twi'leks. I had to ask if he likes only humans, because Daddy is a human, and I am too! He said he has always liked humans and Zabraks most. He said it is natural to be attracted to your own species, and humans and Zabraks look a like, but if you love someone species don't really matter. So I told him about the new boy, Neka, and that he has no tattoos. That's when Dada said Neka will get ones when he is 15. Dada asked me if I liked Neka because I talked about him and I never talk about boys. I got really embarrassed and I said no, I was just curious because he has no tattoos.

But I write a secret here: I think he is cute.

 

 


End file.
